Bakerman

In between babywatch and working on DIY, I'm having trouble finding the time to write these days. A lot of stuff is just passing on by, and you know what? That's just fine with me. Here's a video that I used to watch when me and my friend Tam were partial to a few Camberwell Carrots after dragging our drunken arses home through the rain and snow from the local disocteque on a Saturday night. I had this video on tape for years and I am so glad to see it resurface on youtube!

Joanna Newsom

I've been listening a lot to a singing harpist named Joanna Newsom. Her music is amazing and the harp is an incredible instrument to listen to. Her singing voice however is an acquired taste and the first time I heard it I reached straight for the "off" button. I don't want to sound unkind, but this girl really sounds like Lisa Simpson when she sings. Anyway, here she is....

Diaper dreams-

The astro-nut story gave me a great idea - people in America don't work hard enough - I mean I get TWO whole weeks off a year! And heck, if I get sick it comes out of my holiday time. I think that is disgraceful.... I should get NO time-off, and with my idea to increase productivity, I should get NO toilet breaks.

Every worker in America should be given NASA standard diapers and a diaper disposal unit should be placed at the exit of every office. For the bosses we could have some kind of self-cleaning diaper, of course it will come in an aged-executive style leather with combination locks to protect those company secrets.

Think about it - when you are young and your careers teacher asks: "What do you want to be when you grow up little Tommy?".

"I want to be an astronaut!!!!!!"

"Well, good news Tommy! You don't have to be an astronaut to wear one of these anymore".
[Careers teacher pats himself on the diaper inflated bum and laughs!]

No one likes my ideas anymore... for example, when will they believe me when I say I think Anna Nicole-Smith was the spokesperson for our generation? If we had only listened to her, maybe we could have stopped the war in Iraq and the genocide in Darfur. Now she is dead, like John Lennon and Malcolm X. Damn, what chances did we miss???

Life is just plain weird

The idea that astronauts will train for years only to have learn to crap in a nappy as part of their job was the thought that made me spray my morning coffee over the pages of the New York Times.

It concerns this story obviously. A fairly straightforward crime of passion that has unfortunately been shoved to the front page by a nappy! I mean, if she was just a "Hell hath no fury like a woman spurned" story then this story would never have made it out of the Fartville Sentinel.

It's a strange story all in all but it's the nappy that really gets me. Did she really need to save the 3 minutes it would take to go to the bathroom in order to go nutso on the poor lady she assaulted. It's one thing to be pepper-sprayed in the face, it's quite another thing to be pepper-sprayed by a nappy wearing astronaut who smells like poop. Also, it makes me wonder what the inside of the space shuttle smells like after these guys have been couped up in it for 3 weeks. Also what if you accidentally let go of the (now full) nappy under weightless conditions? I think we should be renaming it "The Space Shittle".

"I've been pooped up in the Space Shittle for 3 weeks". Nice.......

Stupid.

I get into work and I log on to google to search for something, I don't even remember what now, and the cookie for google has saved the previous search done by one of my co-workers. Now, if this search item was "Kylie Minogue's arse" then I could understand that, but what do you make of this? The search was, and I kid you not, I cut and pasted this right from the search engine... the search was "999 minutes equals how many hours"....

Are you messing with me unnamed co-worker? To say the least, this is a pretty simple calculation to make. Unless of course you are not quite sure how many minutes there are in an hour, which judging on this evidence wouldn't surprise me! Honestly, I wonder how some people manage to get out of bed in the morning without setting their slippers on fire!!!!