A Country Song for Bruce Cantley.

I spent my last 5 dollars on PBR,

In a Williamsburg, Brooklyn Hipster Dive bar.

The fairy lights on the ceiling couldn’t mask how I was feeling

as I looked at you in your faux-working class glory,

Drinking crap 5 dollar beer and telling your stories.

You were talking about Oasis’ split and Noel

but when you went to the jukebox you played Billy Joel.

You think it’s ironic to play something shit, Tears for Fears,

Debbie Gibson or some other 80’s hit.

You wear pre-ripped skinny jeans which

slowly cut off the blood flow

right to your balls

and that extra small t-shirt

from Williamsburg Music hall.

Your politics lean just a little to the left

And you hate that the rich are engaging in theft.

You’d Occupy Wall Street but not right now

Because Daddy’s portfolio is still a cash cow.

You play with your iPad and Droid

get a corporate electronic erection.

But with Joe-90 glasses on your face

that huge beard and that acned complexion.

The ladies will hardly swoon.

It’s a safe bet to say

you won’t be making trust fund babies anytime soon.

The Caterpillar branded trucker hat that you wear on your head

was made for you by a kid in China who’s probably now dead.

But thank god for your shriveled balls and your girlfriend’s cavernous vagina

You’ll never be able breed and the human race’ll be finer.

The recession is here and 5 dollars for crap beer

Is just fucking stupid to me but thanks to you

and your whole yuppie crew

My drinking days are through

Because you can’t get drunk

And you won’t get far,

When you spend your last 5 dollars on PBR,

In a Williamsburg, Brooklyn Hipster Dive bar.