Sunday, April 07, 2013

How to completely ruin your post-vacation buzz in 3 hours or less.

I got back into New York City yesterday after a great relaxing week down in the Bayou eating alligators and humming Hank Williams Snr songs.  It was our first family vacation in 3 years and a resounding success.

So today I come back to work.  I am working 16 hours but that's okay,  it's Sunday (therefore quiet), and I am well rested.  I even left half an hour early this morning so I could walk to the PATH train and start my day with some exercise.

I work an uneventful 8 hours then decide to take a break.  I have an ipod that needs a new headphone jack so I'll drop it off at the repair place on 23rd St, a mere 3 subway stops away from where I work.  Should be a doozy, in and out in 20 minutes at the most.

I walk down to the subway stop on Chambers Street.  The 1 train.  I go down the stairs and enter the underground labyrinth of broken lights and discarded metrocards.  I remember that I have no money on my metrocard so I add 20 dollars and then go to the turnstyle.

I swipe the card.  Nothing happens.  I notice that the little screen has a message I've never seen before, it says "No Cards".

"Hmm, okay!".

I go to the next one.

"No Cards".

And the one after that.

"No Cards".

They all say "No cards".

I go towards the attendant who is dealing with 3 other people in front of me.  He is telling them there are no trains at this station.

The guy in front of me say: "Why is the fucking station open then?  Why are there no signs up announcing that fact?".  The attendant is looking at him like he just asked the stupidest question ever and I decide not to get involved.  I am still enjoying my post vacation buzz and the next station is only a couple of blocks away.

I walk up to the A,C,E train and get on one right away.  Roll to 23rd street with no problem, walk 3 blocks to the ipod repair place.  Take a ticket and wait.

I have green ticket number 95.  The counter is at green ticket number 90.  5 people in front of me, should be in and out in no time.

"Green ticket number 91!"

A minute passes

"Green ticket number 92!"

A minute passes

"Green ticket number 93!"

A minute passes

"Green ticket number 94!"

30 minutes pass.

"Green ticket number 95!"

By this point I am frustrated but I am determined not to let my buzz be ruined by New York City on my first day back.  I will prevail over the bitch known as fate!

As soon as my ticket is called I conduct my business and I am out of the store in 5 minutes.  I have to get back to work so I get on the nearest subway which is the 1 train again.  This is the same train I had problems with at the start but I know the downtown direction is running normally.

I pay my $2.50 and push through the turnstile.  Within a minute the announcer comes on the PA and says "Due to an investigation at Canal Street all 1, 2, 3 trains between 42nd street and Chambers Street (where I am headed) have been suspended".

Sigh. Fuck.

I turn and shout back over the turnstile to the attendant.  I can't transfer at this station and I don't want to walk 2 blocks and have to pay again.

He just keeps repeating "No trains!  There are no trains Sir!" over and over again without actually listening to what I am saying.

Just then a train pulls into the station while he is repeating "No trains" like Baghdad Bob standing in front of the advancing American tanks saying "There are no Americans in Baghdad!".

I think about avoiding the train anyway but the ding dong goes and it gets ready to pull out of the station so I jump on board before the doors close.

I think I'm on my way but it goes exactly one stop before "We are being held at the station due to a police investigation".

Fuck this!  I am moving.  I get off the train, go upstairs onto 18th street and start walking back to the E train.  I had intended to walk to 14th street but somehow I became discombobulated and started walking north.

5 minutes later I am standing outside the ipod repair place wondering how the fuck I got there.  It's 2 hours since I left work and I said I'd only be gone 20 minutes.

I walk along 23rd street listening to cajun music in my head and trying to convince myself I am back in New Orleans.  In my head the weather is 80 degrees and my family are chilling with me drinking chichory coffee and eating beignets.  Outside my head I am walking towards the uptown subway and not paying attention.

I walk past the Chelsea Hotel, hang a left, go downstairs into the gates of hell.  Ooh look the train is right there.  My metrocard works first time and I jump right on.  I'm so lucky!

Next stop 34th Street.  The furthest away from my work I have been all day.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity Fuck.

And that, my friends, is how to ruin your post-vacation buzz in 3 hours or less.









2 Comments:

At 1:30 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had no idea you have a blog. I am LOVING IT :)

Hippywitch/Colleen

 
At 1:35 PM , Anonymous MCA said...

Back to tae mines wi' yeh! :whiplash:

 

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