More reality.........

Everyday I climb off the PATH train fron NJ at the World Trade Center and walk the few blocks up to my work. Everyday I have to negotiate the throngs of people who are gawking at the big hole in the ground caused by 9/11.

They stand around somberly reading all the statistics and information posted about that day and every now and then they will lean against the fence and bow their heads. More often though, they will be laughing and taking pictures, throwing crazy poses and pointing to the sign above the PATH station that reads "World Trade Center".

To me, this is another continuation of the Un-reality TV generation. I would almost guarantee you that none of the people doing this are New Yorkers. To these people, 9/11 was something that happened inside their TV sets like Fear Factor or Survivor, unlike the New Yorkers who were here that day and if they didn't lose a loved one, they know someone who did.

They wear the Stars and Stripes or "United We Stand" T-shirts manufactured in Chinese sweatshops and purchase little crystal Twin Towers sculptures off the street vendors, where that money goes who knows, and more importantly for them, who cares.

I've finally reached my breaking point with these morons. I wish I could attatch little blades to my blindman's cane and hack my way through their jungle of stupidity. Maybe attatch it to an electrical current and use it like a cattle prod!

Unfortunately I can't, so I content myself with walking in front of them when they are taking pictures, and occasionally, by walking headfirst into a meathead or two shouting "BLINDMAN COMING THROUGH!!!". A swift whack on the ankles usually scatters them to the wind.

Reality TV... really?

It's 75 degrees and gorgeous outside and I am sitting in a room with no windows and a giant air-conditioning unit that routinely makes a noise like an ME-109 taking off or a giant mechanized pig snacking on a meal of nuts and bolts.

It's enough to make you want to kill yourself - if not that - then at least subject yourself to watching "So you think you can Dance?" - another dumb reality show!

This was the point I found myself at last night as the dance version of Pop Idol burned into my retinas and melted my brain. In an instant it succeeded making me forget that the little kids suffering in Iraq are nothing compared to "Casey From Chicago" who is in tears because he keeps missing his cues during his "Boogie With Bon Jovi" number.

"Mummy was a dancer and Mummy's Mummy before her! I was BORN TO DO THIS!"

"Yeah but Mummy was probably dancing round a pole Casey........."

15 years ago Bill Hicks used to talk about the dumbing of America by shows like American Gladiators, I wonder what he would think now? American Gladiators is positively intellectual compared to some of the self-serving shite we have to deal with now!

And it's not just America anymore! Every country has it's own versions of the same crap! Will Smith recently appeared on the Indian version of Pop Idol. Have we become so shallow that we are no longer content with just imposing our pathetic ideas on ourselves?

I am not so much a conspiracy nut as I am a concerned citizen! Surely our addiction to reality TV has an effect on how we see the rest of the world - for example, a lot of people call in and vote for contestants but do these people bother to get off their backsides and vote in real elections? I doubt it because at the end of the day, who cares about civil rights when Bob from Buffalo is doing his impersonation of Celine (Sea lion) Dion.

A lot of these contestants cry when they are rejected: " I was BORN TO DO THIS!". If you cry because you failed on a TV show, do you cry when you see people dying on the news? What is the emotional breaking point here? I speak as a person who does not cry as often as I should. Too many things strike me as tragic and to cry at them all you would never stop! Mary from Malibu cooking with d-list celebrities isn't a crying situation to me.

It leads me to believe that we are creating a generation who need constant validation of who they are and what they do and that makes me want to cry....

Ach!!!!!!!!

Going blind, and at the same time decorating your house, are not be recommended. You will spend as much time looking for crap you just put as down as you will spend painting, scraping or sanding.

My most used phrases in the last month or so have been: "Where did I put that fucking hammer?" and "Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhh uuuurrrrgggghhhhhhh!" as I realize, (while holding a piece of drywall in one hand, and an electric screwdriver in the other, standing atop the ladder), that the screw I need just rolled off the tray and onto the floor... it's usually the only one I've got.

A big part of slowly going blind is a slowly increasing level of frustration that seeps into everything. To counteract this you start to learn new ways of doing things but they are usually time consuming and often lead to more frustration. For example, the dropped screw I mentioned above. In order to find that I will crouch in the general area of where I think it is and I will start to feel the floor with my hand. I move my hand in an ever increasing circular motion and eventually, after a bit more swearing and cursing, I find the screw.

My rehab teacher Ruth taught me this technique and even though it works well, it does have it's drawbacks. I often use it to find a pen when I am working at my desk. Unfortunately on the way to the pen I've usually knocked over a cup of tea and scattered a thousand other things across the floor.

Another thing about going blind is that you have a lot more accidents, I am covered in scratches and bruises from walking into things and brushing against sharp objects. I also tend to kick a lot of things, including my poor suffering cats who, for some reason, still flop down on the floor in front of me when I am walking. You'd think they might have learned by now!

Speaking of cats and learning - I am sure that my cats are turning into total wind-up merchants. Last week I got the power tools out and installed a cat-flap in the basement door so we could move the litter boxes down there.

Neither cat would use the flap, if they wanted to go to the box they just sat by the door and mewed. Eventually I tempted the cats down into the basement and shut them down there figuring that if I put food out at the top of the stairs in the kitchen, they would come out the flap to eat.

Nope. They just sat... And sat... And sat! They didn't even meow!! I could even look through the door of the cat flap and see the old ginger tabby happily staring back at me but making no attempt to come out!

Another "Aaaaaaarrrrggghhhhhh!!!"

So what do I do? I already cut the hole in the door so it's not like I can take it back to the shop. Eventually I remove the flap-bit from the flap and now it is just a plastic tunnel through a door. 5 minutes later they nonchalantly stroll through the hole like it was always there! It's working fine for now but it might be a bit draughty in the winter!

It's official, my cats are Little Poopyheads!

Blair losing it.......

I was going to take down the photo of Tony Blair taking the asthma test because I started feeling it was a bit crass and unfair, however, after what I just read in the paper this morning I wish I could plaster the picture on every lamppost in the UK.

Tony Blair has officially, finally and completely lost it! He is going after the judiciary and human rights law in the UK by saying that the government should have the right to override court rulings that it considers "barmy"

According to The Observer, it is essential to 'ensure the law-abiding majority can live without fear'. Yeah? Well what happens when the person we fear the most is YOU Mr Blair?

What happened to this guy? This is the same crap that Presidunce Bush is trying to pull here in the US. El Presidunce blatantly ignores laws (see "Domestic Spying") or stacks the Supreme Court with judges that have his political views. Now it looks like Poodle Blair will try to imitate his master.

Laws and the judiciary are the only things that stand between us and dictatorship. Watching these slow drifts in that direction are disturbing. It's enough to make the paranoid conspiracy freak in me start thinking that these similarities in rhetoric from both sides of the Atlantic are not coincidence, and that the Corporation who really run the world are starting to crack down on free thinking.

Speaking of which - if you have ever called me at my home number, the National Security Agency now has a record of that call. Thanks to my phone company Verizon who handed over al their call records WITHOUT a subpoena from the justice department. They say they are only interested in particular calls but hey, who is to say that the shawarma restaurant I used to call every week for a food delivery wasn't one of their places of interest??? Send to Guantanamo Bay for ordering a chicken kebab! Just my luck............

Check out more of Steve Bell's Cartoons here and here.

Reincarnation... but not as we know it.

I remember when I was a kid I saw an old movie by Laurel and Hardy and at the end of the film some horror befalls Oliver Hardy and he dies. I remember being shocked (I was probably 7 or 8 years old) at the death. Hell, wasn't this supposed to be a comedy? 2 seconds later I found myself shocked again by the fact that there was now a talking donkey, wearing a bowler hat and saying "This is another fine mess you've gotten me into!".

"Mummy mummy Hardy died and turned into a donkey".

My Mum explained to me that some people believe you will come back as an animal after you die but of course those people were all mad. We, the glorious children of Rome, have the right idea, no wanking and you'll be marching through the pearly gates with your wings on and all your sins forgiven.

I don't know why I am writing this but I suspect that it is because this is the first time I had ever heard of the thing called reincarnation. Now I've just stumbled across another shocker... virtual reincarnation.

All the nerds out there can forgive me for being a bit slow but I just came across this article on the BBC talking about the fact that they are staging their own rock festival in the game "Second Life".

Second Life is an online game where you can create a virtual existence and live out a fantasy. Okay, so what's new about that? Well, in this virtual life there is a real economy and you can make real money. So much so, that for some people, Second Life has become their living in their first life.

You could conceivably become an businessman selling goods that don't really exist to people that don't really exist but yet make real money. Kind of like the Stock Market in First life.

One thing that occurred to me is that Second Life is conceivably a good way for a disabled person or a housebound person to try to make some cash but never leave their homes. Obviously this occurs to me because there is a possibility that one day my eyesight will be so bad I will have problems going out on my own. Hell! Why not stay at home and become a virtual pimp!!!!!

There have been reports that the game is so addictive that some people are dropping wads of cash into it and ruining their first life. Imagine though, if your Second Life business takes off you may end up creating employment opportunities in the first life. I have an image of the spotty teenager character from the Simpsons being employed in the first life to sit in front of a computer all day manning a Second Life convenience store!

The Second Life economy could eventually herald the end of Western Civilisation. I mean, it's only people with disposable income who will be able to play this game right? That pretty much means the West and China. So while we are are all shopping for virtual crotchless panties, the rest of the world may we be doing tangible, real things, like..well... living.

Okay so I'm being melodramatic but you never know....

Is this getting strange or what? Here is an article from Businessweek on the phenomenon.

Imagine if war became virtual in the sense that only virtual people were killed - that would be cool. We can go to war over virtual land, but knowing humans in the first life, we'd probably go to war over internet bandwidth.

Fuck it! I'm off to open Willies Virtual Scottish emporium!!!!!!

Celebrating Freud's 150th Birthday

With a Freudian slip. Well It made me laugh.

El Presidunce

The Presidunce continues his wild and whacky days playing fiddle while the rest of the world burns to the ground. This week he was complaining that immigrants should learn to sing the national anthem in English only - despite the fact that he can hardly speak English himself. The journalist Greg Palast dug up this great quote to show the Presidunce knows exactly what he is talking about - even if the rest of us don't...

"Because the -- all which is on the table begins to address the big costdrivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example,is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those -- changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be -- or closer delivered to what has been promised. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE TO YOU? IT'S KIND OF MUDDLED. Look, there's a series of things that cause the -- like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. This is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those -- that that growth is affect, it will help on the red."

Makes perfect sense doesn't it? I still don't know why the Shrub is getting his knickers in a twist anyway, apparently he wasn't too hesitant about singing it in Spanish himself when he needed the Latino vote down in Texas.

The first line of The Star Bungled Spanner is "Jose, can you see?" after all...........

Life, Death and Emmigration

I had a nightmare last night - a bad one. My Mum is elderly and in hospital right now, she is in a lot of pain and says she wants to die. At the same time, Alma is 7 months pregnant and our daughter is due on July 9th (Yes everyone! We know it is a girl!).

Last night in my nightmare my Mum died and my daughter was born on the same day. My reaction was basically: "Fuck".

As a Buddhist - that is not an entirely surprising outcome - the cycle of reincarnation - it is, however, a painful one. Should I be here at the birth of my baby or back in Scotland with my Brothers and Sisters burying my Mother?

I spoke to Alma about it and she says she would send me back to Scotland and I appreciate her caring and sensitivity but at the same time I do not want to miss the birth of my daughter, I mean, how often in one lifetime does that fucking happen?

I am so torn and scared. I am sure that when the time comes I will know what to do but right now the prospect is nothing but bad news.

The idea of having a child and losing a parent has been making me evaluate the idea of mortality to the nth degree. Who are we? Why are we here? There is a song by The Flaming Lips that asks the the most obvious question ever: "Do you realise? That eveyone you know, one day, will die?"

It's such a fucked up idea but to be honest very few of us do realise! Unless you lose a best friend when you are young or you lose someone younger than yourself - only then do you get it.

For some reason it seems harder to deal with when you are 3000 miles away from the source (I can hear my Brothers and Sisters in the UK saying that they wish they were 3000 miles away from the source right now - I'm aware I have the easy ride!).

Everything I see is born out of fear and as a person who is Male and a Scotsman, "fear" is something that you are never supposed to admit to. When I moved to the other side of the the world I was filled with fear but I would have never have told anyone. My take was - "If this does not work out then I can always go back". Now 7 years later I am still on the other side of the world - I am married - we own a house - and now we have a baby on the way - there is no going back now...

Colbert

To all the people in the UK who don't know who Stephen Colbert is, think of the old fake news show "The Day Today" with Chris Morris and you'll get the idea. In this case Colbert lampoons the kind of right-wing talking heads you find on FAUX News. He has an opinion on everything, especially things he knows nothing about.

So when I read that Steven Colbert was invited to the White House Correspondants dinner I thought it was weird. Don't tell me he sold out!!! Well now it seems they were not amused when he said "I admire President Bush because he still believes on Wednesday, the same thing he believed on Monday. Despite what happened on Tuesday".

He also advised Bush to ignore his lousy approval ratings because they were based on reality "and reality has a well-known liberal bias."

Turns out Bush was not the only one squirming, he had a few choice words to say about the Washington Press Corp, and considering it was their dinner that was tantamount to taking a dump in their beers.

He said: "The president makes decisions . . . the press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions." In your spare time, he advised them, "write that novel you got kicking around in your head — you know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know — fiction."

Good for him. I hate the White House press corp, they deserve it. They have a responsibility to report the facts as they stand. not as they are presented. I read about 7 or 8 different sources of news every morning (I am a confirmed news junkie) and I am always shocked by how many so-called different news organisations report things word for word right off the officail press releases. It's enough to make you start believing the blogs before the papers.

Yaaahhhhhh.............