Up yer bum!

I made a startling find yesterday when I discovered that Mr Potato Head stores all his bits and bobs up his bum. His eyes are there, his nose, his glasses and his arms too. There was even a little green hat stuck up his bum! That can't be comfortable!

I guess I am to blame for this revelation because it seems that no matter how old I get, I can't get over how amused I am by the words "Bum", "fart", "jobbie" and "poop". Those words still get a chuckle every time.

And therein lies a problem for me. I am now reading all these kids books like "Put me in the Zoo" by Robert Lopshire and they all have cute illustrations following a simple and fairly phonetic rhyme system. Every time I read one of these books I think "I can do that!".

Well I can do that... if I didn't have the problem that I am likely.. nay, compelled... to insert the words "bum, "fart" or "poop" in the narrative ("jobbie is out as I am writing for an American audience). I'm telling you it is impossible!!

"See the chickens in their coop, see the chickens covered in poop!".

"See the horse move as fast as a dart, see the horse leave brown clouds of fart"

It's a disease! I can't help it! I honestly think that 30% of my vocabulary is taken up with words for bowel movements. I am like a thesaurus of BM's.

Help!!!!!!!