A Moan

The summer ended abruptly. Hurricane Ernesto rolled into the Gulf of Mexico and has been pushing rain our way ever since. The skies are overcast and so is my mood. The birth of the Wee Yin has been a good distraction from real life for a while but yesterday I spilled a cup of tea on my desk and real life came flooding back.

I feel like I haven't had the time to mourn my Mum. It's been one thing after an other. Now the cat's arse is bunged up again and looks like he is on his 9th-and-a-half life. He makes a horrible groaning noise everytime he lies down, the kind of noise that only a sick animal can make. What a week!

This has all contributed to a feeling of loss and mortality that has kicked in big time. I wonder what is next!

And when you sleep at night
Dreaming of the pretty things
Don't be too surprised
When the telephone rings

I'll be sitting here
Waiting for the other shoe to drop
I'll be sitting here
Waiting for the other shoe to drop

The Eels - "The Other Shoe"

My job feels like a dead end but I've worked in TV production for 12 years now in one form or another and I don't really feel like I know anything else. I go home and turn on CNN and see some news story I helped them get and I feel like I am working for the enemy.

On September 11th I am going back to my eye doctor for my yearly check-up. A convenient date. Let's see what percentage of eyesight I've lost this year! I'm expecting to be in the single figures (last year I could see 13% of what normal people see), if I am above 7% then I'll be happy. I think they changed the font on my favorite music magazine but I am finding it really hard to read unless I sit directly under a lamp.

It breaks my heart that I will never be able to take the baby out on my own - every walk has to be chaperoned as I cannot push a pram and use my cane at the same time. I'd use an over-sholder carrier but I don't trust myself not to walk into something or miss a step and fall, something I do nearly everyday. When my wife goes back to work we are going to be stuck inside. It sucks......