Tartan Week

Jesus! It's been a week since I've gotten off my arse to write anything; a "Tartan Week" to be precise!

What is a "Tartan Week"? Well it is the same length as a regular week but so much of it is spent in the pub drinking and soaking up the craic that it feels like one continuous day slightly broken up by hangovers and hair-of-the-dog pints. Everyone you meet is either a "McBlootered" or a "McYank" - McBlootered's are drunk just-off-the-boat Scots who are here for the fun, McYanks are sober "experts" on Scotland who have never set foot there in their lives. One looks like a regular guy, the other looks like a rusty shortbread tin stuffed with feathers.

I would even go so far as to suggest that if any of the McYanks found themselves walking through Falkirk after 10pm hey would most likely get the shite kicked out of them. To them Scotland is a land of misty glens filled with heather and streams of whisky, not housing schemes or Buckfast or heart attacks.

It's a strange state of mind and one that the business people who are in from Scotland trying to promote the place seem quite happy to embrace. There was a "Scottish Village" set up in Grand Central Station complete with your samples of haggis and Shooglenifty (the saving grace for this week, pictured above) fiddling away in the background. It was all a very underwhelming hard-sell of Scottish culture; mainly because it wasn't very representative of Scottish culture. What if they talked about the beautiful architecture of Glasgow and Edinburgh? What if they talked about the vibrant pub culture all over the country? What if they talked about the real (and sometimes tragic) history of Scotland - the Highland Clearances or the Sectarian Problems - or if you prefer - the advent of University education or the great inventions Scotland has bestowed on the world. There is plenty of positive things to talk about in Scotland, it's time to leave "Braveheart" behind!

The other thing that was noticeable about the McYank's was that there was a strong undercurrent of right-wing politics about the whole thing. The Klan ain't called the Klan for nothing you know! Scotland has a proud history of trade unionism, working-class struggles and lefty politics but the McYank's are nearly all white, Republicans, and in a lot of cases, wealthy.

Anyway I did meet a lot of interesting people and I've got to give credit to Professor Ted Cowan of Glasgow University's History Department who can light up any room he walks into, even when he is surrounded by Mad McYanks trying to tell him about his own subject. He is a bear of a guy but ultimately a polite man to put up with a lot of that shite. I did catch him rolling his eyes a couple of times however, oh and the trousers he brought with him left a lot to be desired!



Professor Ted Cowan of Glasgow University was recently seen acting suspicious in the Salvation Army Store near the estate of the Late Nicholas Fairbairn. When asked for comment Cowan added: "Fairbairn? Counae stand the bugger! Nice outfits though!".