Travel woes

This week I booked our flights to the flaccid cock of America... sorry, I mean Florida. $89 each way and that includes complimentary peanuts and hopefully a plane with a pair of wings and some aviation fuel. A pilot who is older than 16 and younger than 80 would be nice too.

This will be our first flight with the baby and I would be lying if I said I wasn't dreading it. I hate flying to begin with, and now we will be doing it with a wee girl who doesn't like being strapped down for any length of time. I'm sure she will be wanting to run around the plane pulling on things like the emergency door release handle just to see what it does.

"Whee whee". Whoosh.........

Oh well, I guess it will still be better than the other options which were 2 days driving in the car or the "auto train" where you drive the car onto a train. This second option initially appealed to me until I discovered it was significantly more expensive than flying and renting a car, and that it also took 25 hours to get to Tampa. YOU CAN FLY TO THE PHILLIPINES IN 25 HOURS.

Usually I actually love travelling by train and I haven't done a long train journey in a while, but now that I think about some of those journeys and where I could have gone in the same amount of time.

The train from Reading in England to Glasgow in Scotland used to take 9 hours or so. I could have gone to fucking Venezuela in 9 hours!!!

Before I had enough money for the train I used to take a bus from Southampton back to Glasgow, this bus took a good 15 hours or so. I probably could have flown to Vladivostok in that time!!

I can't really complain though since those old journeys were a lot of fun and usually involved a good amount of drinking and smoking in the days before you were banned from doing anything remotely pleasurable in public places. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM SCRATCHING YOUR ARSE, YOU MAY DISTRACT THE DRIVER! PLEASE DO NOT FLUSH THE TOILET WHILE THE BUS IS AT A STANDSTILL AS YOU MAY DEPOSIT A JOBBY IN AN ENVIRONMENTALLY SENSITIVE AREA.

So anyway, it's back to Florida we go. The home of Mickey Mouse, gun-toting rednecks, looney Christians, voter fraud and old ladies with purple hair. Oh, I can't wait.....