Hell's Teeth

Next week I am going to the dentist for the first time in years. Certainly it's the first time since I moved to America and even though I have dental insurance I have been warned that I should expect to get hit in the pocket, hard....

It's because of all these dire warnings of impending dental induced bankruptcy that I have avoided going to the tooth hack since I stumbled off the 737 at Newark airport in 1999. Well that, and the image of Laurence Olivier in "Marathon Man". I really am a big baby when it comes to my teeth but I can't avoid it any longer as one of my fillings came loose.

Well it was loose when I made the appointment.

This morning I bit into an onion bagel and now it is gone like the snows of last winter. I have a big hole in my front tooth and although it doesn't hurt (yet), I can't stop touching it with my tongue. Oh well, I guess I might have saved some money on the dental boat-hook, I just hope it doesn't start killing me before I get into Dr Toothy's chair.

Dr Toothy is a real dentist by the way. He's based in NYC's Chinatown and I used to walk past his office all the time and imagine this guy dressed as a clown with big floppy shoes, baggy trousers and a dentist drill. It was always more disturbing than reassuring. I guess it's all in my imagination because his commercial is actually kind of boring.

Needless to say I am still not going to Dr Toothy. My dentist's name is Lustiger, already renamed by me as "Lustybugger".

This is another annoying thing that I do, at least it's annoying to me. I pervert people's names to the point where I actually start to get their real name mixed up with the joke name. It's only a matter of time before I call the dentist "Lustybugger".

Damnit I really need to stop touching that tooth.