Black August

Well it has been a particularly crap month and I am thankful it is coming to an end. Roll on September and the changing of the leaves.

Our house got broken into two weekends ago, no-one got hurt and nothing got taken but it shook everyone up. The thief tripped the alarm system but somehow still managed to get upstairs and turn the place upside down.

According to the police the alarm was tripped at 3.53 (in the afternoon) and they were there at 3.58, 5 minutes later. So either my house was ransacked by Michael Phelps, or it was ransacked by a small army of ninjas, or the police took a lot longer to get there than they claim. My money is on the latter, I guess there was a line at the donut shop.

The strange thing is that he forced open one of my windows and had to climb in right past my laptop computer but he did not take it. I can only guess that he was a junkie with a serious amount of desperation. He emptied every drawer in the house and went through all the jewelry. He even went through the pockets of my laundry, looking for money I suppose.

And he found nothing.

There was no cash in the house beyond the jar of pennies and all the jewelry is cheap costume jewelry, no-one in our house has much time for diamonds and pearls.

Maybe it was karma that he picked the only house on the street with nothing worth stealing.

So that was the first reason it has been a crappy month, hold tight, there’s more!

Two nights ago we were driving home listening to history being made, Barak Obama was on the radio accepting the nomination as the first black man to run for President. The speech was excellent and moving as his speeches always are.

Anyway so, we are listening to this and we get back to the house and are reversing into the driveway when BOOM! The back windshield exploded!

That’s right! BARACK OBAMA DESTROYED OUR CAR WITH THE POWER OF SPEECH.

We had both been so distracted by the speech that we failed to notice that we were running out of room and we reversed right into the underside of the front porch which in turn caused the back windshield to explode.

Thankfully it mostly exploded out the way and the glass flew in that direction and not at us and thank god the wean was not in the car.

And there is more…

In between these two incidents we had my Brother-in-laws wedding. All in all a really nice day but slightly tempered by the fact that our little one, who was a flower girl in the ceremony, managed to come down with a tummy virus.

We were running late and had no sooner left the house and out of nowhere she unleashes a waterfall of puke all over herself.

This led to a mad dash back to the house and a quick bath and we made the church with minutes to spare. Later that day she puked again, this time on her pretty flower girl dress, but in the evening she seemed to recover and a good time was had by all.

The problems really began the next day when I started feeling a bit queasy. By 10pm that night I was praising the god of porcelin, and for the first time in many years, puking up something other than alcohol.

It hurts when you are sober and there is actual food in there.

A night of cold sweats and more puking followed. Around 2am I was joined by my lovely wife and we started synchronized puking and shivering. The next morning we had zero energy but the baby was FEELING GREAT. She was a ball of energy.

Roll on September....