Leeches

I had a strange dream the other night - strange because I don’t normally remember my dreams - I remembered this one vividly.

Myself and my wife were in a boat in the River Thames near Reading, England (an area I used to walk in extensively) and the boat got stuck aground so I jumped overboard to push the boat off a mud bank. In doing so I sank up to my shoulders in mud and water and got myself covered in blood-sucking leeches - yes… so far so African Queen.

Anyway, my wife helps me pull the leeches off but she misses one and that night as I am laying in bed the leech multiplies into hundreds and starts to suck me dry.

Now….

That is all I remember. I was disturbed by the meaning of the dream but I think I worked it out. We are two weeks away from closing on our first house and between our lawyer, our mortgage broker, and to a lesser extent, our real estate agent, I am currently surrounded by leeches.

The lawyer is going to cost us a $1000 and as far as I can see he has so far mailed 6 letters on our behalf, read two contracts, changed 5 clauses in said contracts, and, well jacked off prodigiously to porno for 8 hours a day… No… not really but that’s what it feels like he is doing with our time as all the advice he has offered has been stuff we could have done ourselves if we had known!

The mortgage broker prepares the loans and takes a cut. Once he did his sums, his job was over and his assistant typed up all the forms for us to sign. Again the sound of wanking is coming over the karmic airwaves as another grand is flushed down the toilet.

Our real estate broker is a nice guy but he is out to get paid too, albeit by the seller. He also bears more than a physical resemblance to Peter Lorre. He has the creepy voice to go with it too. It is not wise to make him laugh.

Ah well, at least we are looking at our furst house. I can’t wait till I meet my first dodgy builder!